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If you're looking for me to brag about how cute my kids are (which they are) or talk about how much weight I did or didn't lose this week, you are in the wrong place! I have a Facebook account for that. This blog is about the blunt truths of parenting, tips and tricks of the trade, some addicting mommy junk and all the other disgusting hilarity that ensues when you have kids...especially two kids only 12 months apart like myself.

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Friday, June 24

My Morning: Pukers

Sorry for my absence, but I've been busy being mommy...in all its glory.

Two nights ago I fell asleep early on the couch. About 30 minutes after I moved to the bedroom, MOTHER F-ING DOG barks like mad and wakes me up. It is about 11 pm...and I can't freaking fall back asleep until about 1am.

3 am: Boo opens his bedroom door and screams, "I PUKED!"  Ugg! I go in there and it is only on his little blankie. I removed the blankie, hug the kid and he goes right back down. Sweet for what happened!

3:10am: As I leave Boo's room I hear Bubbi crying. He must have woken her up when he felt he needed to open to door (I have a monitor in his room) and scream that he puked. I rock Bubbi for a few seconds and go downstairs.

3:45am: I am finally amost back asleep when Boo opens his door and screams, "I PUKED AGAIN!!!!" WTF? I thought maybe he gagged himself on something the first time, but now poor Boo must be sick. Oh yeah, and he had nasty diarrhea the day before.

4:05am: Boo's sheets and diarrhea filled night diaper are changed and I'm finally crawling into bed...the I hear Bubbi squawk over the monitor. My thought? Sorry Bub, but you're just being needy! So I let her cry.

4:45am: Boo shouts, "I PUKED AGAAAAAAAIN!!!" Awesome! I run up and strip his bed. I'm all out of waterproof mattress pads so I pack him up and move him to the couch.

5:00am: Boo is watching TV and I'm on my own couch half asleep. Cue Bubbi crying. WTF? She is really this thrown off? She never wakes until at least 7am and she usually goes right back down on her if she does.

5:05am: Bubbi's officially screaming. I go up there and....she puke allllll over her bed, herself, lovies etc. Holy crap did she puke just now or last time she cried? I am SUCH a bad mom!!!

5:25am: Bubbi is cleaned off (well enough for 5 in the morning), three sets of bedding are in the laundry machine with two pillows and a stuffed animal in line behind them. Boo's face says it all and he pukes all over the floor.

Insert a few hours of puking and pooping....

11:00am: I'm standing with Bubbi next to me and I feel something dripping on my foot. I look down and, yup, diarrhea pouring from her diaper...onto my foot.

You get the point. My morning and entire day SUCKED! Hoping this shit (pun intended) is over.

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